I cannot win

So I jumped ship from job with the misogynistic, racist, evil boss three months ago, and landed in one that I thought would be ever so much better.

Turns out? Not so much.

My boss is the king of moving the goalposts. He is the master of telling me to do something, then changing his mind. My coworkers, with the exception of the girl I share an office with, can be so shitty to me it makes me question what I’m getting out of all this, besides “not being homeless”.

And combine this with a bunch of stress from my health, and other things going on in my life, and I spend significant portions of each day trying not to cry, with varying degrees of success.

(Things that help: Pictures of foxes. The Fury Road soundtrack. The Buggs. Pain pills, but I only get those at bedtime, alas.)

It’s just hard. I’ve spent my entire adult life getting enormous fulfillment from my job, and after the Pretty Old Plane Co. gig went away, I’ve been just bouncing from one shit gig after another, and it is taking a serious toll on my psyche.

Some days there just aren’t enough foxes.

bend in the road

Three days ago, my employer decided they no longer had need of my services, and walked me out of the building.

To say this was a shock is pretty much the understatement of the century. Six and a half years down the drain, and not because of anything I did, or didn’t do, as far as I can tell: just silly office politics and misunderstandings.

Anyway. I’m not moaning about it. I’m pretty sure there’s a better opportunity out there for me, and I intend to find it and grab it. (If you think you might know of someone who’s hiring awesome people, let me know & I’ll send you my details.)

Hilariously, this came literally right in the middle of some big improvements we’re doing to the house — improvements I now kind of regret, but there’s no going back. On the plus side, our back yard is now a place of beauty and calm, and our dreadful sliding patio door will be replaced by a lovely french door on Tuesday. I wish I could cancel the door, but it’s custom, and paid for, and non-returnable, alas. Trust me when I tell you I will be using the hell out of that door, to get the full value from it.

(Pictures of the back yard, before and after, start here, and I did a timelapse video of the work being done.)

So I’m at a bend in the road. I’m not sure where it leads to, and the not-knowing is pretty scary, I’ll admit, but I’m also excited by the possibilities. I’m ready for more awesome in my life.

(Administrative note: the Facebook crosspost/comment ability may bork this post. Please ignore any weirdness; it’s temporary. Thanks!)

grumpy

ARGH, I’m back at work dealing with an emergency that, had the email come in half an hour earlier, would still have let me get home at a reasonable hour.

Instead, I dragged my sweetie with me, jetted back to the office, and now I’m waiting to get another email before we can go have Indian food. Low blood sugar may be to blame for my extreme grumpiness at this moment, but grumpy I am.

dancing on the edge of the catastrophe curve

Today has been crazed.

Today has been a symphony of computer problems, freezing office, lunch issues and job wonkiness, and in the midst of it all, my sippy cup sprung a leak and nearly pushed me over the edge. I held it together through an act of will. Ok, I got distracted by another crisis. But I didn’t have a sippy-cup spaz & I’m pretty sure that’s all that counts.

My new and interesting set of responsibilities make the day fly by like nobody’s business, but it’s easy to let the new crises pile up until I’m buried. I actually made someone wait for something today, while I finished up another thing, which I don’t think I’ve ever done. It felt strange.

I’m not sure if I was in a rut before this week or not, but if I was, I’m well out of it now. Nonstop craziness will do that for you.

restraint

Y’know how, when you’re about to ask for or be considered for a raise, you’re supposed to justify it? You’re supposed to make lists of accomplishments, tot up all the ways you’ve saved The Company money, prepare a spreadsheet of all the revenue you’ve generated?

Well, I’m not going to do that.

Instead, my plan (for the unscheduled day on which this performance review might happen in the unspecified future) is to say, “My contribution? I’ll tell you what my contribution was: I did not argue with my boss on Those Days In November when I learned that, not only were we not getting rid of the Bad Customer that was responsible for my losing the coveted Spam-Fighter Silver Star of Righteousness, but we were, in fact, giving them more network space and probably generating even more work for me. Remember that? Remember how I calmly said “ok” and went back to work, how I didn’t start shedding tears of rage and or throwing things? That’s gotta be worth ten percent, right there.”

I fully expect to be laughed at, but I’m well gonna say it.

amusement

I’m on a couple spamfighter lists, and this turned up in my inbox today:

We had a customer that had a trouble ticket opened on them for spam.
When they responded to the web-based trouble ticket, they said that they couldn’t have sent the spam as they can’t send email, because he is…
Amish.

Which was pretty funny. And so was this response:

I know Amish don’t have electricity in their homes, but are allowed to have it in the barns. So I can only assume his barn stalls are set up as cow, cow, cow, cow, server farm, cow, cow, cow.

Amish server farm. Brilliant!

things I have learned recently

Things I have learned recently, a list.

  • If you marinate drained and pressed tofu slices in Sweet Vanilla Chili Sauce, then coat it in cornstarch and fry in a teeny bit of oil until golden brown and delicious, it tastes exactly like slightly spicy toasted marshmallows. Wild! It’s totally not a marinade & now I know why.
  • 32 minutes is far too much time to lose talking to stupid people, but I appreciate the story it gave me. Seriously, did not need to spend five minutes hearing about dude’s thyroid, whilst on a call ostensibly about dude’s spam. Seriously.
  • It is entirely possible to take the news of one’s ninth offer on a house being outbid without growling, throwing things or getting even slightly teary-eyed. That which doesn’t kill us, etc.
  • It is also possible to create a list about cool, annoying and frustrating things without resorting to caps or italics even once. Go me!