I’ve spent the last half-hour scouring elementary school websites looking for information. I suffered through dozens and dozens of hideous FrontPage monstrosities, far too much use of Comic Sans and one particularly egregious swirly-cutesie font, and what did I find?
Two — TWO — grade-school holiday musicals.
What the fuck, people?
What are we teaching our children, if it’s not to spend November in rehearsals, preparing to dress up like a godsdamned reindeer and sing some awful Christmas song? And deprive me and my friends of the hysterical potential of a small child in a manger?
I ask you!
I mean, I pay my taxes. Or I will, at some point. Y’know, when we buy a house. But that’s not the point! If my taxes aren’t going to some Christian or Jewish or Muslim or even nondenominational 3rd-grade holiday musical, well … they should be. So I can go watch. And laugh my ass off.
Bring on the spirit of the damn holidays. With six-year-olds singing off-key.