Maybe it’s sleep-deprivation, but things seem especially bizarre today. And my responses to them are right out of “I should probably just shut up” land.

• Beth asked me for my three favorite herbs/spices, and my head nearly exploded from the difficulty. “Wow, that’s a great question. Tough one, though. I mean, what does one gauge his response on: physical prowess, keen detection skills? The ability to banter well with super villains?” Seriously, I agonized for half an hour about passing over dill and smoked paprika.
• We’re getting a gift for a young gentleman who’s into tae kwon do. Just for fun, I searched Amazon, and the third result was the category NINJA WEAPONS. “I know he’s into tae kwon do, but can I get him the Cold Steel Spike Scimitar? Or Ninja Extinction Arm Knives?” Ninja Extinction, y’all.
• For dessert today, the chefs made us Cherry Nut Crisp. I got all excited (for I dearly love fruit crisps), dished myself up a heaping bowl, and discovered the cherries they’d used … were Maraschinos. This one, in fact, rendered me speechless.

I await the next weird thing with great eagerness.