not the canned meat

I have just one thing to say to our hosting and bandwidth customers: If someone complains that the email you sent them is spam, then it IS spam, and I require you to shut the fuck up and deal with it.

I’ve had it up to here with people replying to my complaint notifications saying “This isn’t spam.”

Well, yes, Sparky, it is, because spam is all about perception and you’re doing nothing to change the recipient’s perception that your email about new content at MooseFuckersUnlimited is not, in fact, spam, so it is.

In addition to shutting the fuck up and dealing with it, I’d like to require our customers to not be bad, bad spammers, at knifepoint if possible.

Alternately, I’d like to be able to check potential new customers against some Known Bad Spammers lists, and have the power to tell our salesguys, “No, you can’t have this big commission, for these asshats you’d like to bring onto our network are Bad, Bad Spammers and will cause my head to explode.”

Really, though? I’d like to shut down all the fuckers on our network who are spamming. I’m fucking sick of all of them.